That heavy, sick feeling came back last week. I tried to push him out of my mind, but how can you push four years of love and bliss from your memory? So I let myself cry about it again, I got out his old football jersey and allowed myself to sleep in it. I had a hard time smiling for a day or too, but eventually, I emerged even stronger than I was before. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I would be in a very different place had things not ended the way they did.
So now, I have picked myself up off the floor of the Heartbreak Hotel, and I am continuing to work on myself. I have to do things that make me happy, like going to the Park on a sunny day to bask in the sun, or meeting a girlfriend for coffee to talk about nothing. No matter how many things I have going on, or how badly I want to break down, I have to acknowledge the happiness that I am lucky enough to have.
With each adventure out into my beautiful city, one step at a time, I am moving towards mending my heart.
<3
Anonymously In Love
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Some Rules to Love By...
Some people say that love knows no boundaries and that there aren't any rules about how you love someone, but I believe there are a few. They are more like guidelines than actual rules, but I think they are important.
1. You cannot love someone unless you love yourself
1. You cannot love someone unless you love yourself
This is the most important 'rule' to remember about love.
If you can't love yourself, then you are simply incapable of loving anyone else.
2. Loving someone is only half the battle
Relationships are hard, and just loving someone is not enough to make it work. You have to be willing to work hard for the people you love.
3. All is NOT fair in Love and War
When dealing with peoples emotions, it is not fair to mess around. You have to respect the people you love as well as the people around your relationship.
4. Embrace the way love changes you
There is nothing more powerful in this world than love, and it will change you,and that is okay.
5. Accept that you can't change anyone
If you can't love yourself, then you are simply incapable of loving anyone else.
2. Loving someone is only half the battle
Relationships are hard, and just loving someone is not enough to make it work. You have to be willing to work hard for the people you love.
3. All is NOT fair in Love and War
When dealing with peoples emotions, it is not fair to mess around. You have to respect the people you love as well as the people around your relationship.
4. Embrace the way love changes you
There is nothing more powerful in this world than love, and it will change you,and that is okay.
5. Accept that you can't change anyone
If you love someone, it should be unconditional. If there are things about them that you don't like, you have to deiced if they are deal breakers, because you can't make
them change, they have to do it for themselves.
6. Be willing to meet half way
If you aren't willing to compromise, you will never get anywhere with the people that you love.
7. Be honest to the person you love and yourself
Honesty can be hard, but if you are going to tell someone that you love them, you should be able to put in the work to tell them the truth, even if it hurts.
8. Don't give up on your dreams
If someone truly loves you, they will never ask you to give up on something you care about, if you don't do something that you always wanted to do, you will ALWAYS wonder...
(And you should never ask anyone to give up on their dreams either)
9. Appreciate the little things
Sometimes a daisy out of the front yard means more than a bouquet of roses, and sometimes a peck on the nose in the rain is more romantic than anything else in the world.
Love the little things in life and you will be happier.
10. Forgive
We all make mistakes, and it is important to remember that (for the most part) what ever was done to hurt your feelings wasn't done with malicious intent. Be understanding
that certain things are beyond human control.
Again, I am not preaching, but I know that when these simple guidelines are applied to a relationship, it works. I have learned the hard way that when you do not fallow these, your heart (or someone else's) get's broken.
<3
them change, they have to do it for themselves.
6. Be willing to meet half way
If you aren't willing to compromise, you will never get anywhere with the people that you love.
7. Be honest to the person you love and yourself
Honesty can be hard, but if you are going to tell someone that you love them, you should be able to put in the work to tell them the truth, even if it hurts.
8. Don't give up on your dreams
If someone truly loves you, they will never ask you to give up on something you care about, if you don't do something that you always wanted to do, you will ALWAYS wonder...
(And you should never ask anyone to give up on their dreams either)
9. Appreciate the little things
Sometimes a daisy out of the front yard means more than a bouquet of roses, and sometimes a peck on the nose in the rain is more romantic than anything else in the world.
Love the little things in life and you will be happier.
10. Forgive
We all make mistakes, and it is important to remember that (for the most part) what ever was done to hurt your feelings wasn't done with malicious intent. Be understanding
that certain things are beyond human control.
Again, I am not preaching, but I know that when these simple guidelines are applied to a relationship, it works. I have learned the hard way that when you do not fallow these, your heart (or someone else's) get's broken.
<3
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
How Free are We?
For the longest time I thought of myself as a free person, taking full advantage of my own free will and living my life the way I wanted. But looking back on the decisions I have made in the last two years, I see that so many of them were made considering not myself, but someone else. I was a slave to a the love that I thought I was controlling.
I gave up a swimming scholarship and my spot dream university to be close to home, close to him. Yes, him. He was who i thought was the love of my life, at least four years of my life. I gave up everything that I had worked so hard for to be with my high school sweet heart. And believe me, I have kicked myself over and over again for making my decision based on love.
I convinced myself and all my friends that I hadn't chosen San Francisco because of him, but I knew deep down that he was the reason I wouldn't be swimming Division 1, and living my dream. But what is a dream, except for a brief idea until something better comes along.
When it comes down to it, we are only free if we choose to love no one or nothing. Once you give your heart to someone, you belong to them as much as they belong to you. But if it is love, then the loss of freedom does not matter. Until the one you love moves on... and that is what happened to me. Two weeks after graduation my boyfriend for four years broke up with me. I was heart broken, and hated him for a few months, but now I still have love for him in my heart and I am happy that he is happy.
And that is living with love....
I gave up a swimming scholarship and my spot dream university to be close to home, close to him. Yes, him. He was who i thought was the love of my life, at least four years of my life. I gave up everything that I had worked so hard for to be with my high school sweet heart. And believe me, I have kicked myself over and over again for making my decision based on love.
I convinced myself and all my friends that I hadn't chosen San Francisco because of him, but I knew deep down that he was the reason I wouldn't be swimming Division 1, and living my dream. But what is a dream, except for a brief idea until something better comes along.
When it comes down to it, we are only free if we choose to love no one or nothing. Once you give your heart to someone, you belong to them as much as they belong to you. But if it is love, then the loss of freedom does not matter. Until the one you love moves on... and that is what happened to me. Two weeks after graduation my boyfriend for four years broke up with me. I was heart broken, and hated him for a few months, but now I still have love for him in my heart and I am happy that he is happy.
And that is living with love....
Living In Love
So many girls dream of growing up, moving to the BIG BAD city, meeting the man of her dreams, falling in love and living happily ever after. I have been imagining my life with prince charming since before I can remember. We all plan our fairytale lives, but you can't plan love. There is nothing about love that can be controlled or expected. Love will come knocking when you aren't ready, it waits for no one. For some people the timing is perfect, and nothing can get in the way of the love that found them. Others aren't as lucky.
I have been one of the unlucky ones. Fortunately for me, I have learned so much about love through my experiences. Whether it was brief and passionate or four years long and slow burning, it was love. I have stories about love, I want to share them, because I am lucky enough to have experienced what it means to love and to be loved in return.
I believe that there is more than one kind of love. I love my dad, he has treated me with respect and taught me to be the upstanding woman that I am today. I love my best friends, they remind me that at the end of every dark tunnel there is a big beautiful light waiting to warm my soul. I believe in love at first sight and in loving myself. Each of these 'varieties' of love are just as valid and important as the so-called "True Love".
In the first Corinthians verse 13 it is said that "there are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love" and the greatest of these things is love. I don't believe that it is possible to fall out of love. I have had my heart broken, stomped on and ran through the shredder, but I still love the people who have caused me so much pain. I have moved on, but there will be a place in my heart for everyone I have loved, and yet there is still room for more love in my life.
I have learned to live in love. Once you have had love in your life, it doesn't go away, there is no escaping the passion that once filled every inch of your being.
It is not my intention to preach to anyone about how to love, because I also believe that everyone has their own style of love. This blog is just a way for me to tell the world that I have loved and lost, but what matters is that I have loved.
I have been one of the unlucky ones. Fortunately for me, I have learned so much about love through my experiences. Whether it was brief and passionate or four years long and slow burning, it was love. I have stories about love, I want to share them, because I am lucky enough to have experienced what it means to love and to be loved in return.
I believe that there is more than one kind of love. I love my dad, he has treated me with respect and taught me to be the upstanding woman that I am today. I love my best friends, they remind me that at the end of every dark tunnel there is a big beautiful light waiting to warm my soul. I believe in love at first sight and in loving myself. Each of these 'varieties' of love are just as valid and important as the so-called "True Love".
In the first Corinthians verse 13 it is said that "there are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love" and the greatest of these things is love. I don't believe that it is possible to fall out of love. I have had my heart broken, stomped on and ran through the shredder, but I still love the people who have caused me so much pain. I have moved on, but there will be a place in my heart for everyone I have loved, and yet there is still room for more love in my life.
I have learned to live in love. Once you have had love in your life, it doesn't go away, there is no escaping the passion that once filled every inch of your being.
It is not my intention to preach to anyone about how to love, because I also believe that everyone has their own style of love. This blog is just a way for me to tell the world that I have loved and lost, but what matters is that I have loved.
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