For the longest time I thought of myself as a free person, taking full advantage of my own free will and living my life the way I wanted. But looking back on the decisions I have made in the last two years, I see that so many of them were made considering not myself, but someone else. I was a slave to a the love that I thought I was controlling.
I gave up a swimming scholarship and my spot dream university to be close to home, close to him. Yes, him. He was who i thought was the love of my life, at least four years of my life. I gave up everything that I had worked so hard for to be with my high school sweet heart. And believe me, I have kicked myself over and over again for making my decision based on love.
I convinced myself and all my friends that I hadn't chosen San Francisco because of him, but I knew deep down that he was the reason I wouldn't be swimming Division 1, and living my dream. But what is a dream, except for a brief idea until something better comes along.
When it comes down to it, we are only free if we choose to love no one or nothing. Once you give your heart to someone, you belong to them as much as they belong to you. But if it is love, then the loss of freedom does not matter. Until the one you love moves on... and that is what happened to me. Two weeks after graduation my boyfriend for four years broke up with me. I was heart broken, and hated him for a few months, but now I still have love for him in my heart and I am happy that he is happy.
And that is living with love....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment